As we become more comfortable with being transgendered, many of us begin seeking opportunities for 'outreach'; those occasions when we can help inform a largely ignorant public regarding the realities of who we are.
In my view, it is crucial to present a self-actualized, positive point of view as opposed to one that justifies through diagnosis of dysfunction, self-excuses through placement of blame, or passive- aggressively attempts to manipulate through projection of victimhood.
In other words, instead of attempting to 'explain the reason' we are so messed up, how about debunking the very idea that we are troubled in the first place? Of course, this assumes that we, personally, are past the whining and blaming stage and into a self accepting mindset. You can't talk the talk unless you walk the walk.
For this to occur, it’s helpful to get past conventional thinking - and especially the group-think mindset of TGs themselves! I often use the analogy of a staircase in a tall building; at every floor there is a landing, a place to stop and rest during the climb or, perhaps, to exit the staircase for a while and enjoy the benefits of the new level of growth we have attained.
It's tempting to say to ourselves, "Now this is more like it - a place where I can finally be comfortable" and we stop climbing. We've discovered peers and contemporaries on that floor who invite us to stay and enjoy their company. Considering the depths from which they've arisen, it's easy to understand why they may honestly believe that they have found the top of the mountain. Unknowingly, they have settled for 'good enough'.
In reality, there is more to learn and *much* more to 'un-learn', and many more stairs to climb. The penthouse awaits.
How does this relate to outreach? Consider the following email reply, sent to a psychology instructor prior to one of my presentations for students at the college where she teaches. I had asked for a summary of what her students had already been exposed to - primarily because I didn't want to be at odds with the curriculum or in overt contradiction of the teacher's message. Too late.
Instructor:
The class is abnormal psychology. My perspective, and the one I encourage them to have, is that for many of the topics covered in "abnormal" psyc, we are just talking about human differences and the social construction of "normalcy". My focus is on human variation, not pathology, and I think my students really embrace that view (with a few exceptions). For the unit on sexual and gender variation, we will have covered gender identity disorder in depth, with a particular focus on the differences between sex, gender identity, gender role, and sexual orientation. Mostly I am working to help them see how the biological, psychological, and social forces shape us into unique human beings with a wide variety of sex and gender expression. Some catch on right away, others struggle to differentiate between gender, sex, and sexual orientation. Few have more than a stereotypic knowledge of these things, so I think the whole topic, and the amount of time I devote to it, is eye-opening for them.
(So far, so good...)
Me:
It's one of the main problems that many of us face - 'unlearning' all the errant cultural input.
Instructor:
I will have also focused a little bit on paraphilias, or unusual arousal patterns. We establish at the outset that unless someone is harmed or an impairment in some important area of functioning results from the activity, we consider these normal variations and not "disorders" per se.
(Maybe this is going to be an easy class...)
Me:
Safe, sane, and consensual - that's the ticket. In my view, however, the way our culture has come to associate sexuality with transgender expression is the greatest burden we bear. It just ain't so, but getting folks to turn loose of their 'everybody knows' mentality is not easy.
Instructor:
I noticed on your website that you identify as both "transgendered" and "cross-dresser." I'm sure you know that the psyc lingo for cross- dressing is transvestitism ...
(Aha! Now it begins...)
Me:
No, crossdressing is *not* transvestitism, as defined in DSM-IV, unless it is a fetishistic paraphelia. That's one of the distinctions I make in the classroom. If someone crossdresses for *sexual gratification or stimulation* then that description fits - as in people who play "make me dress up" bedroom games or find arousal in rubber underwear.
When a person wears clothing that is socially associated with the opposite sex (because people have not yet absorbed that sex and gender are not synonymous) it is usually not for a sexual reason - even though many crossdressers have convinced themselves that is the case. I'll have a lot to say on that in class.
That stereotype is what we who are self-actualized TGs are striving to overcome. Because the psych types see only those who are really messed up, they generalize and rubber-stamp the rest of us with the same 'diagnosis'. That illogically applied Occam's Razor leads to an abundance of poor conclusions, primarily the belief that when one motivation for a behavior is found, that it's the 'only' one.
Instructor:
... while transgendered is something else ("gender identity disorder").
Me:
Likewise, simply being transgendered is *never* a disorder. GID is only an appropriate diagnosis when a person has difficulty *adjusting* to the reality of being transgendered - if suppressing it or loathing oneself because of cultural disapproval leads to immense emotional stress which can manifest itself in lowered immune response, depression, social withdrawal, anger, guilt, shame, etc.
I'm guessing that your students will get more useful transgender information in one hour than most Psychiatrists get at med school. If they get any at all! I have encountered so many counseling 'professionals' who have no clue about the subject that I'm beginning to doubt the quality of an M.D. education.
And once it's in the DSM, it's almost as if it becomes carved in stone. Perhaps, as with homosexuality, the current and grotesquely incorrect definition will quietly be dropped from the pages of future editions.
Instructor:
Boy is it hard to get outside of the pathologizing language in psychology!
Me:
That is one of the main obstacles. Cultural judgment is not a valid basis upon which to regard human idiosyncrasies as behavioral disorders.
Instructor:
They will I'm sure have questions about the definitions, etc. and how they apply to you. Which pronoun do you prefer me to use?
Me:
That's easy. Absent any awareness of transgender, how would you normally regard this individual: (I attached a photo of myself, presenting to an earlier class).
(end of email)
Her eyes were opened just a wee bit that day. Following the presentation, she responded with a very thoughtful letter of thanks (view it here: http://www.thesuccessfulcrossdresser.com/ Attagirl.jpg ) and asked me to return for an encore, this time with a much larger audience.
How cool is that?
Remember, you're not there to preach. You're not there to teach. You're there to reach; to reach out and touch your audience with your genuineness, your candor, and your sense of humor. Outreach is practicing the art of *assisting discovery*. Lead them, don't spoon- feed them. Show them, don't snow them. Their most effective example to date will probably be *you*. If you are genuinely at peace with yourself, it will show and present a far more effective message than anything you could verbalize.
Postscript: For that follow-up outreach, I took along a trio of video cameras. One went on a tripod at the rear of the room and the other two were given to students to use as they saw fit. The results were very encouraging - to the point that the video footage was edited and chaptered onto a DVD which is now available for those who are interested in the approach I take at these presentations. More information is here: http://www.laceyleigh.com/DVD.html
Leigh is the real deal, a 36-years happily married heterosexual crossdresser who not only ‘talks the talk’ but enthusiastically shares how she learned to ‘walk the walk'. She can be contacted through her personal outreach website, www.LaceyLeigh.com or through the Yahoo discussion group, The Successful Crossdresser.Lacey
Mail to a friendCOMMENTS
- On March 19 At 20:28 -nicole09cd- said
Well said Lacey
- On November 04 At 22:59 -Gender- said
I thought this to be an excellent and intuitive article - I really appreciated the answer from the 'course tutor' - really needed
My only comment is 'those steps can be tiring'