Transman And Contributing Columnist Levi Cristopher Murray Speaks About Setting Your Own Goals In Transition
I have recently witnessed first hand, the pressuring of transmen by transmen and others to follow the cookie cutter type style of medical and surgical treatment to conform their bodies to that closest to a biological male and this disturbs me.
I think the stress and trauma of being forced to live an inaccurate gender role for a period of time kind of robs us of the natural ability to think, interact and live as a male without experiencing a great deal of insecurity and anxiety. As a result of this I think we tend to lack healthy ideas and expectations of where exactly we as individuals truly fit in on the scale of masculinity.
I know that there have been times when circumstances allowed me to easily be sucked into a way of thinking that made me feel that transition was an all or nothing type of deal, only to realize that wasn't the case at all.
I had to become comfortable and confident with myself in a way that was more sincere then I had ever been able to before and it was then and only then that I could fully believe that I was already a man. A burden was lifted and I came to realize that having a penis and lacking the genetic female bits would make me no more of a man then I already was.
That for me was when a true life of freedom began. I took a stance and vowed to never again try and shape my mind or body into something simply because society demands a set criteria be met.
I have had many people laugh in my face, taunt and judge me for having these beliefs and opinions but at nearly 7 yrs into HRT, non-op and living the life of a male without any difficulty fitting in with the rest of the males in the world undetected; it's pretty clear that I got the last laugh isn't it?
I guess the message I am trying to get across is this. Each one of us is very different. We all have different needs, goals and expectations to match our own unique situation. While a whole lot of us have the ability and desire to do all that can be done surgically, there are many of us who aren't willing or able to go that far.
At the end of each day I have only 2 people to answer to; myself and God. I owed it to myself and my God to do no more then I absolutely had to do to reveal the man that I had always been and no less then what was necessary to be happy and confident walking amongst other men in the world.
Each of you owe it to yourself to be who you are, without pressuring or forcing yourselves to try and meet or exceed any one unspoken criteria set forth by a society that is so hung up on inaccurate stereotypes.
Hasn't life been hard enough? Haven't we each been forced to jump through enough hoops just to be able to be the men we have been all along?
You owe society nothing but you owe your true self; that little boy inside you that begs to be freed from the prison he's been trapped in his whole life; That is who you owe. Each of you are worth more then that. You don't have to prove anything to anyone. Just be yourself and you will be doing yourself and the rest of the world a huge favor.
If that means following the traditional course of treatment for transmen then by all means do the best you can to go all the way with it, but please don't put more pressure on yourselves then already exists by feeling any less then a man should you happen to choose not to undergo surgical intervention, or because you're unable to for medical or financial reasons.
We are who we are with or without surgery or hormones. Surgery and hormones only help by making the physical body more closely resemble our internal feelings, so if a guy is able to feel completely comfortable without undergoing surgical or hormonal intervention who am I to judge? The whole point of transition is to take the steps needed to step out of an inaccurate gender role and into the one that reflects the true nature of who we are. The steps needed to do so are different for each and every one of us.
If a trans guy is comfortable and confident without surgical or hormonal treatment then he is really blessed and I personally will play no part in trying to belittle his male status. For me to do so would only prove just how unsuccessful my own transition experience has been, otherwise why else would I be so threatened by the transman who opted to take a different path on his journey?
This process is difficult enough without facing criticism from each other and I think we all owe it to ourselves and each other to try to be as respectful and supportive of each other’s choices as we can.
Levi Cristopher Murray
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- On November 15 At 10:58 -SkyofQtown- said
Greetings!
I liked what you wrote!
It is true, you know, whatever we are begins within the core of our being, inside of our hearts individually... And whether we embrace cosmetical/medical corrective procedures to conform our bodies to our wishes to match our truest gender, the one we feel deep in our heart and soul or not...
It does not change whom we are at heart.
I am an MTF however whether I dress en femme or not does not change whom I am.
I agree with you, the fact of the truth is, "Natural & Right" is whatever feels natural and right to each human being and such may well be/become different from person to person... Nobody is wrong if everybody does respect each other's birthright to be different and proud of it!
Having said... I must be fair and I have to add the fact that - We can only be as Real as our Money can afford us to be" ... Because otherwise off you go under the bridge, broken and all alone. The very first duty of any living organism is Survival because we cannot have fun if we're dead!
Thank you for sharing!
Love and Light,
Sky a.k.a. JD Aeon - GLBT Witch, Shaman & Occultist
(Thinker Musician Artist Freelance Writer & Astrologer)