This past holiday season, I had the opportunity to return back to my hometown for a little R and R. It was something I have been looking forward to for a couple of months now. I wanted this relaxation time to spend with my family and friends. To me, most of all my friends are my family; they were mostly there for me in my time of need. I always try to talk about my friends here in this column, because I want people to know how friends can be so much more than we expect. If it wasn’t for my friends I don’t know where I would be today. In this world we sometimes rely more and more on our friends then we do on our family. Living in Chicago, I don’t have many friends like I do back home, due to the fact that I try to live the quiet life now. Holidays are a special time for everyone…

Holidays didn’t used to be the best thing for me, due to the fact that for so long I felt I was hiding this painful secret that I didn’t want anyone to know. I love my family so much that I spent so many years pleasing them. I didn’t want to hurt them, but in the process I was pushing myself into the closet further; then stepping out of it. I worked about five nights a week in a bar, as Kennidi, so for me to go home and play the boy with my family was hard. I had longer hair, no eyebrows, and fake nails. I didn’t spend lots of time with my family in my early adulthood, because I didn’t want them to find out my secret. I didn’t even spend time with the one person in my life I cared most about, my grandmother. She was battling cancer and I was out partying or performing while she was home in pain.
At that time in my life I didn’t want to have to deal with my family’s issues because I had my own to deal with. I guess in part, I am the type of person who can go on with life and block things out. I clearly blocked out my family completely. Here I was this up and coming performing, having the time of my life, while my family was is in pain. For once in my life I was worrying about myself instead of my family. How cruel was I? To this day I can’t live down that time in my life. All I could do was be me, and not what my family wanted. If I was just honest up front maybe I could have been there for my grandmother.

We all choose when we want to come out of the closet. I had to come out of two closets, which I knew was going to be hard on my family. As a teen, I came out for being gay, and I spent years of my life dealing with that. For getting people to love me, for me. Then all of sudden, I realized that I wanted to be a girl. Another closet for me to walk out of and a harder one for my family to deal with. Being gay is one thing; most families can deal with that. But being a boy who wants to be a girl is little bit harder. At least society accepts being gay more so now than ever. Being a transsexual is a lot harder. How does a father say, “this is my son…I mean my daughter Travis”? It can be very confusing for a father to deal with. That’s why I think for so long I took care of me first before I sprung it on to my family. Once I did surprise them, I was banned from the family events for about three years.

I feel like I missed out on a lot of stuff for not being honest with myself and my family about who I was. I felt like I didn’t get a chance to see my sisters grow up, or have that relationship with my brothers, that I once had. Even helping my grandmother out in her time of need, when so many years she helped me in my time of needs. How dishonest was I to them or to myself? Was I even really honest to my friends at the same time? I really don’t know. All I do know is they accepted me as me before anyone else.

All I am trying to get at is that, if you are dealing with this situation, bring it to the forefront. Instead of pushing people you love out of your life to deal with it. The sooner you bring it out, the sooner they will come around to accepting you for you. I wish so many times that I would have done it a lot earlier. I feel like I wouldn’t have missed out on so much. So for the year of 2007, lets make it about “US!” For once, open up to the idea of the world getting to know the real you. Be true to yourself and the ones you love. Sometimes what we love the most can hurt us the most. It may hurt people to see the real you, but in the end, they will love you for you! Make your New Years Resolution about being yourself to everyone you love in 2007. I plan to be more open and honest to all the people I love. I feel like this New Year has a lot to offer me for new beginnings. I know there’s a new beginning already starting but all I know is that right now I can’t ask for anything better. 2006 ended with a bang and 2007 has started off with a bang, love is in the air!

Make 2007 the year of YOU! If you need advise or want to write me, please feel free! Your thoughts and words are inspirations to me. Keep the emails flowing; I’d love to hear from you.

Be safe and enjoy the New Year! Drop me a line at Kennidi@tglife.com  and it doesn’t matter what sexual preference you are, I don’t discriminate! Happy New Year to all my fans and admirers.

Feel free to visit my site and fan site at www.myspace.com/kennidi